misTranslation

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food,
give it to the guard on duty.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.

Australia:              
I couldn't meet my ends.
(Meaning "I couldn't make ends meet".)

In a Chinese toilet: 
Do not relieve you nature everywhere.

  L.A., USA:              
French creeps.

Vienna, Austria:

Fried milk, children sandwiches,
roast cattle and boiled sheep.

Cambodia:

Fried internal part of chicken with mushrooms
and deep fried fist with vegetables.

Notice in a sleeping carriage on Indian train:              
Do not invite thieves to sleep in the floor.

On a Japanese tourist map:              
Shitseeing Bus Stop.

China:              
Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream.

Thailand:              
For your convenience, we do not accept checks.

Gift shop in Nice, France:              
Our police:

no return, no exchange.

Ahtens, Greece:              
Chopped cow with a wire through it and bowels in sauce.

Cafe in London:              
Jacked potatoes.

Bulgaria:              
If you are satisfactory, tell your friends.

If you are unsatisfactory, warn the waitress.

On a Vietnamese boat:              
Nobody is allowed to sit on the both sides of the boat.

Tibet:              
Reception Centre for the Unorganised Tourists.

A private school in Nairobi, Kenya:              
No trespassing without permission.

Bank in Bucharest, Romania:              
Count change over the counter.
Ulterior complaints are not listened.

Next to a bin in Wuhan, China:              
Poisonous and evil rubbish.

Russian woman's lonely-hearts advertisement:              
I am looking for an realy educated man
who can be joke to himself.

Amusement ride, Saudi Arabia:              
For your safety this game is not allowed
for those who suffer from hearts, diabetics,
nerves, high pressure and pregnants.

Sign onboard ship in Mobile, Alabama, USA:

Warning: despite our best efforts, park exhibits slip,
fall, head strike, cut, pinch, ankle twist, spray paint
mist, particle breathing, alligator bite, heat lightning,
and stress risks - particularly to unsupervised children,
rambunctious youths and over exerted adults.

Cairo:
French fried ships.

Vietnam:
Pork with fresh garbage.

In a travel agency in Barcelona, Spain:          
Go away.

Sign at the ferry terminal in Davao, Philippines:

Adults: 1 USD
Child: 50 cents
Cadavers: subject to negotiation.

Venezuelan travel brochure:

In this Expedition you will know the highets
waterfall in the world. From Canaima, through
the Sabana, the Jungles and the rivers Carrao and
Churun, you'll enjoy one of the biggets emotions
of this life. And the facilities Camp. Guides as natives,
all experts, will bring you trough troubles waters,
just where a few have made it. Be you one
of them. Meals in open fire never taste so goo.

Turkish shop:    
All peoples welcome for the gifts.

Clothes shop in Brussels, Belgium:              
Mourning and sportswear.

Philippines photographic firm specializing in bridalphotos:

You tie the knot, we freeze you.

India:              
Deep fried fingers of my lady.

In the window of a Japanese store:        
We wish you are Merry Christmas.

Cairo, Egypt:
On September 30, winter timing will start.
As of 12:00 midnight all clocks will be forward
one hour back.

Tokyo, Japan:

Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please.
If you are not person to do such thing
is please not to read notis.

Istanbul, Turkey:

Flying water in all rooms.
You may bask in sun on patio.

In an Italian hotel:

If service is required, give two strokes to the maid and three to the waiter.

It is kindly requested from our guests
that they avoid dirting and doing rumours
in the rooms.

Hot and cold water running up
and down the stairs.

Ethiopia:

To call room service, please to open door
and call Room Service. Please call quiet,
people may sleep.

Australia:              
Document which states the personality of the person.

On a hotel television set, Belgrade, Serbia:              
If set breaks, inform manager. Do not interfere with yourself.

Instructions on a Korean flight:

Upon arrival at Kimpo and Kimahie Airport, please
wear your clothes.

Aeroflot advert:          
Introducing wide boiled aircraft for your comfort.

On an airsickness bag on a Spanish aeroplane:

Bags to be use in case of sickness
or to gather remains.

[From Internet, Vadim's and his colleagues' records, and Charlie Crocker. Lost in Translation.]